Brush My Teeth, or Write a Post

So, I've been terrible at writing lately, and I hate that. Not because I feel like anyone out there is hanging on my every word and so put out when I don't post because really I only have one person that actually reads this(Hi Haley!). I hate that I've been terrible at writing because I am missing so much! I look back at my hundred days that I wrote so faithfully, and I will treasure that forever! So, what it comes down to is good teeth, or priceless memories. Most nights I haven't posted because I made the decision to brush my teeth instead. Tonight, I went the other direction (for now). I want to try to be better about recording what my little experience of my average mothering day has taught me, because I learn a lot in one day. I usually forget it and then have to learn it all over again the next day, but I learn a lot. Maybe by writing it down I can solidify my lessons learned a little quicker to save myself grief and frustration. Today my biggest eye opening moment came via someone else's child. I was watching my friends little boy, and he had a hard time being away from his mom. As he cried and cried, I realized now far I have come with crying children. I've always handled mine ok, but dealing with someone else's has always been much more challenging. It has always felt like dealing with someone else's child required 4-5 times the effort and patience, and it is so draining. I watched a lot of other peoples kids for a few years there, and some were easier than others but In the end I fell in love with all of them and miss them all. Today, as I held little sobbing Ben in my arms, I felt so sorry that I couldn't calm him like I wanted to. I was more here broken for him than frustrated. It made me happy after he calmed down to realized that my patience level is 10 times what it was just a few years ago. There was a moment there this morning when Ben really, really started sobbing. I'm talking loud, yelling, screaming, moaning sobs. He was just so so sad. At that moment Alivia climbed the couches and onto the end table and knocked a glass off, which shattered on the floor. At the exact same moment Lucy knocked her shin on the hard wood stairs and it hurt like something else. The sound of the crashing glass, and Lucy's screams sent Ben into a whole new level of frenzy that I never knew was possible, and the whole time I'm trying to figure out how to best clean up the glass without my 16 month old stepping on any of it, kiss a boobooed shin, and set down an inconsolable baby without putting Ben into a state of permanent mental hysteria. What makes me happy is that I didn't lose my cool with anyone, which I've been more than known to do in the past, I just simply did my best. Sure there were still plenty of tears, but none of them were mine. I have a long road to travel in order to become a perfect mom, and I know I will never get there in this life, but I also know that I'm too hard on myself more often than not, and I think that all moms are. So it was so good for me to have a moment like this today that helped me see that I actually am getting the hang of some of this stuff. It's like growing out your hair, you can't actually see it growing, but one day you look in the mirror and say "Hay! Look how long my hair is getting!" This experience today was my mirror, and it was exciting to see at least a little progress. Neither my hair nor my mothering abilities are where I want them to be, but I'm slowly but surely getting somewhere.

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day to me and all the mothers out there. I feel like there has been a lot of hype about this mothers day in comparison to past mothers days. Most of it has been directly connected to the election year, but I've noticed a lot of hype outside of politics as well. Whether from news headlines or from my own personal experiences, mothers of ever kind deserve a day to honor what they do, or what they have done, or to be remembered for what they did. So, if you like me found yourself studying up on the best methods to remove Vaseline from your 3 year old's hair because washing it somehow only made it worse, then this mothers day is for you. If you spent 15 minutes of your day sweeping up an entire box of Cocoa Puffs that your 16 month old dumped on the floor because she wanted a snack, then you probably deserve a day just for you. If you have dedicated the first 6-8 Saturdays of your Spring to shuttling your 5 year old to and from soccer games, dance rehearsals, and recitals, then you most certainly deserve a day of recognition. My heart especially goes out to mothers who's hearts and arms are aching this year for babies they have loved and lost of all ages, and to anyone of any age who finds themselves missing the mother they love. Life is never easy, and nothing is harder thank yearning for the ones we love who have left us behind, or the ones we hope to love in the future. Hang in there, and know that the pain and grief that you feel, as much as it hurts, and as much as you hate it, is a sacred feeling. It is evidence of the mother your are, and the mother you have, and all the wonderful joy and love that motherhood brings to every life it touches, and motherhood touches every life. And that is why everyone is entitled to a Happy Mothers Day wish. To my crazy monkeys who I can't squeeze and kiss enough, and who also drive me to the edge of my sanity on a daily basis, thank you for helping me understand this amazing blessing of being a mother and the deep level of love and joy that it brings to my life. I never knew I could worry so constantly, smile so quickly, laugh so innocently, or love so deeply until you came into my life. Thank you to my sweet husband who helps me every step of the way, and brings me back to sanity after a long and challenging day. I'm so grateful to have such a strong and grounded man to tag team my responsibilities with as we raise a family together. No one knows my blatant weaknesses and shortcomings in motherhood more than he does, yet no one encourages me more. I'm a lucky girl, and a heck of a lucky mother.