Brush My Teeth, or Write a Post

So, I've been terrible at writing lately, and I hate that. Not because I feel like anyone out there is hanging on my every word and so put out when I don't post because really I only have one person that actually reads this(Hi Haley!). I hate that I've been terrible at writing because I am missing so much! I look back at my hundred days that I wrote so faithfully, and I will treasure that forever! So, what it comes down to is good teeth, or priceless memories. Most nights I haven't posted because I made the decision to brush my teeth instead. Tonight, I went the other direction (for now). I want to try to be better about recording what my little experience of my average mothering day has taught me, because I learn a lot in one day. I usually forget it and then have to learn it all over again the next day, but I learn a lot. Maybe by writing it down I can solidify my lessons learned a little quicker to save myself grief and frustration. Today my biggest eye opening moment came via someone else's child. I was watching my friends little boy, and he had a hard time being away from his mom. As he cried and cried, I realized now far I have come with crying children. I've always handled mine ok, but dealing with someone else's has always been much more challenging. It has always felt like dealing with someone else's child required 4-5 times the effort and patience, and it is so draining. I watched a lot of other peoples kids for a few years there, and some were easier than others but In the end I fell in love with all of them and miss them all. Today, as I held little sobbing Ben in my arms, I felt so sorry that I couldn't calm him like I wanted to. I was more here broken for him than frustrated. It made me happy after he calmed down to realized that my patience level is 10 times what it was just a few years ago. There was a moment there this morning when Ben really, really started sobbing. I'm talking loud, yelling, screaming, moaning sobs. He was just so so sad. At that moment Alivia climbed the couches and onto the end table and knocked a glass off, which shattered on the floor. At the exact same moment Lucy knocked her shin on the hard wood stairs and it hurt like something else. The sound of the crashing glass, and Lucy's screams sent Ben into a whole new level of frenzy that I never knew was possible, and the whole time I'm trying to figure out how to best clean up the glass without my 16 month old stepping on any of it, kiss a boobooed shin, and set down an inconsolable baby without putting Ben into a state of permanent mental hysteria. What makes me happy is that I didn't lose my cool with anyone, which I've been more than known to do in the past, I just simply did my best. Sure there were still plenty of tears, but none of them were mine. I have a long road to travel in order to become a perfect mom, and I know I will never get there in this life, but I also know that I'm too hard on myself more often than not, and I think that all moms are. So it was so good for me to have a moment like this today that helped me see that I actually am getting the hang of some of this stuff. It's like growing out your hair, you can't actually see it growing, but one day you look in the mirror and say "Hay! Look how long my hair is getting!" This experience today was my mirror, and it was exciting to see at least a little progress. Neither my hair nor my mothering abilities are where I want them to be, but I'm slowly but surely getting somewhere.

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day to me and all the mothers out there. I feel like there has been a lot of hype about this mothers day in comparison to past mothers days. Most of it has been directly connected to the election year, but I've noticed a lot of hype outside of politics as well. Whether from news headlines or from my own personal experiences, mothers of ever kind deserve a day to honor what they do, or what they have done, or to be remembered for what they did. So, if you like me found yourself studying up on the best methods to remove Vaseline from your 3 year old's hair because washing it somehow only made it worse, then this mothers day is for you. If you spent 15 minutes of your day sweeping up an entire box of Cocoa Puffs that your 16 month old dumped on the floor because she wanted a snack, then you probably deserve a day just for you. If you have dedicated the first 6-8 Saturdays of your Spring to shuttling your 5 year old to and from soccer games, dance rehearsals, and recitals, then you most certainly deserve a day of recognition. My heart especially goes out to mothers who's hearts and arms are aching this year for babies they have loved and lost of all ages, and to anyone of any age who finds themselves missing the mother they love. Life is never easy, and nothing is harder thank yearning for the ones we love who have left us behind, or the ones we hope to love in the future. Hang in there, and know that the pain and grief that you feel, as much as it hurts, and as much as you hate it, is a sacred feeling. It is evidence of the mother your are, and the mother you have, and all the wonderful joy and love that motherhood brings to every life it touches, and motherhood touches every life. And that is why everyone is entitled to a Happy Mothers Day wish. To my crazy monkeys who I can't squeeze and kiss enough, and who also drive me to the edge of my sanity on a daily basis, thank you for helping me understand this amazing blessing of being a mother and the deep level of love and joy that it brings to my life. I never knew I could worry so constantly, smile so quickly, laugh so innocently, or love so deeply until you came into my life. Thank you to my sweet husband who helps me every step of the way, and brings me back to sanity after a long and challenging day. I'm so grateful to have such a strong and grounded man to tag team my responsibilities with as we raise a family together. No one knows my blatant weaknesses and shortcomings in motherhood more than he does, yet no one encourages me more. I'm a lucky girl, and a heck of a lucky mother.

Motherhood

A few months back my sister in laws and I had an interesting conversation on feminism. We all had fairly similar views on the matter, but we all came from different angles and I know that some of us (ok, I ) struggle to get my thoughts out of my head in a verbal form. That is why I write. Writing helps me feel smarter. Since that day in the food court of a Denver Mall, I have thought about how I could better explain my views on feminism.

First of all, I'm so grateful for what the women of this country have done before me so that I can enjoy my God given freedoms and rights today. That said, I worry that the battle for equality today has gone a little to far. Let me explain.

So many women feel discriminated against for one thing or another. Personally, having known a few women in my life, It is my understanding that we can tend to be a little dramatic. As a women I feel that I have equal rights, freedoms, and opportunities as any man in this country, and for me, thats good enough. For feminists that continue to fight on the matter and complain about statistics that appear to state otherwise, there is one factor that those statistics over look; choice.

Since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be a mother. Sure, I have also set my sites on other career opportunities, but those have always been something I can do AFTER I finish my life's most important work of raising my children. Sure, I had the choice to become anything I wanted to become. If I wanted to be a doctor, I could be a doctor, but I choose to be a mom. The reason there are not statistically as many women in the workforce, or in high end cooporate posisitions is because there are a lot of women out their who simply choose to be mothers, and guess what, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I personally think that mothers have a clearer view of life than many of these feminist demanding statistical equality.

What it all comes down to is the simple fact that womanhood is not weak, it is not inferior. For thousands of years women have been honored through chivalrious acts, as a sign of the deepest respect. Yet today those very acts are looked down on as a sign of weakness and inferiority. Truth be told, women are not inferior. Women have been given the gift of bringing life into this world. Every mother that has ever lived has put her life on the line in order to bring another life into existence, and there is nothing weak or inferior about that.

Once a women chooses to become a mother, it doesn't matter if she stays home all day, works part time, or pursues a career, a mother of any kind will always say her most challenging job is that of raising her children. Child rearing is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining day in and day out, so it is time to 86 the saying "I'm just a mom". Since I had my 3rd child a year ago, I have spent more days feeling like I am in over my head, that I am not strong enough, smart enough, brave enough, or physically fit enough to mother all three of my kids like I want to. But I have also spent more time kissing, hugging, rocking, smelling, smiling, holding, and mentally treasuring my children then I ever knew was possible. This mothering business is not for the faint at heart, so if you feel the need to sit and whine publicly about how picked on you are simply for being a women, then this is probably something not ment for you.

There is one last thing that upsets me about the modern feminist fight besides the fact that it is a direct attack on motherhood and the Devine beauty of womanhood, and that is the attack that it is against manhood. Today the acts of chivalry that were once expected of men towards women are dying, and men are no longer taught to respect women the way they once were. This is perhaps a driving force behind the rise in violent crimes against women. If men are no longer allowed to respect a women and show that respect through their actions, then it becomes socially acceptable for men to handle problems that arise with a women the way they have handled problems between men for hundreds of years, to duke it out. Men deserve the right to have something to honor and respect, something to fight for and protect. There is nothing more perfect than a man and women working together, side by side, as a team. Together they create a stable environment to raise a family, enjoy good health, and live happier lives. There are hundreds of scientific studies to back these facts, so it should just be common sense, but in the ongoing battle of feminism, feminists are destroying everything that is good and beautiful about womanhood and they are dragging men and society down with them.

So it's time to take a stand. Respect womanhood and motherhood enough to recognize the beauty of it outside of a professional or statistical standing. Women who choose to be wives and mothers choose to put their lives on hold in order to give the lives of their children, their husbands, and their family a stronger foundation. It's time to respect womanhood and motherhood as the beautiful roles they are. Men and woman were not meant to be interchangeable. They were meant to be equal through separate roles. When these roles work side by side the outcome is far better than when they are constantly battling for first place. I'm so thankful for a husband who honors me as a women, and not only sees the importance of my role as a mother, but respects my choice to stay home with my children and support him in his career. The results of our efforts to work together in parenthood is something that I can see and feel everyday, and it is the cause of our happiness as a family.

Down a New Road

So that post makes it sound like we are coming up on a major life change, but that is so not the case. We've just had a few things happen around here that I'm beginning to realize are signs of change.
Lucy
First of all, Lucy is constantly getting older, and just a few days ago I looked at here and she took my breath away. Since Tangled came out she has been adamant about growing her hair out. That should have been my first clue. She suddenly had extreme passion about something that she didn't care at all about a year ago. Now that almost a year has passed her hair is long, her eyes are piercing, and her facial features are maturing daily. When I looked at her a week or so ago it hit me like a ton of bricks that my little girl is growing up. She doesn't look little, she looks like a pre-teen. She is beautiful.
As if this realization weren't enough of an adjustment, she lost her first tooth on Saturday. I have a kid that is old enough to be losing teeth! When and how did that happen? Today, she started playing soccer. She is so talented athletically, so coordinated. It makes it fun to watch her try new things. And trying new things is something that this little girl takes seriously. Whether it is piano, violin, dance, or soccer, she puts on a face of concentration that says so much. Whatever she does in life she does well, and I couldn't be more proud to be here mom.
Jack
My little boy is my little man. I love how much boy he has in him. Whether he is staring you down with his pirate scorn, or he is hugging you tenderly around the neck, this little boy knows exactly what needs to be done to nestle his way into your heart and get comfy. He hates watching Lucy try all the fun new things and being too little to get to try. The whole soccer thing is killing him. But I love that he is my toddler, and if that means I have to put out a few fires of jealously so I can keep him at this precious age just a little longer then I will gladly do it.
Alivia
What can I say about this little thing? She is a wild and crazy ball of activity. Today was a hard day with her due to teething. Poor thing is cutting 4 molars at once. She is getting so expressive lately and I love it. She will have a full conversation with you if you let her. You won't understand a thing she says, but you won't regret it either, because it is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. I think I need to capture that on a video clip before its lost forever. She is walking much better now, and while she took her first steps about a month ago, she is beginning to realize that walking can be her main mode of transportation. This scares the crap out of me.
At the end of the day there isn't much more to say other thank I love my kids.

The Hunger Games

My husband and I got a date night tonight and it was a good one. I'm not big on going to movies in the theater because they are so dang expensive, but every once in a while something comes out that I have to go to. The Hunger Games was one of those movies, so we got a sitter and headed out and had a blast. I want to go again, many many times.

Clearly our night out was the highlight of my day, but aside from that I spent my entire day, and I mean my ENTIRE day cleaning, and still didn't get my house how I want it, but it's better. All and all, it was a good day. Husband is happy (movie theater popcorn makes him a happy man), kids are happy, and asleep, and all that makes me happy too.

Missing the Little Things

Wow. It's been a while. I had an interesting experience today that made me realize I need to take the time to get my little blog back on track. I was contacted today by an amazing woman named Heather who asked if I would be willing to share her story on my blog. As I read about her and all that she has overcome, it made me stop and think about my life.

After reading this email from Heather I went in with my busy schedule, but her story affected how I looked at my day, and in all honesty she couldn't have picked a better day to reach out to me. I had guests coming at 10am this morning, and I needed to do the dishes, fold some laundry, and get the kids put together as well as myself. The task didn't seem too bad in the beginning, but then my sweet Alivia decided that she was done cuddling sweetly while drinking a bottle, and it was time to climb, on everything.

While eating breakfast Lucy yelled for my help because Alivia had climbed up on the printer table. Shortly after that I pulled her off the piano keyboard. A few minutes later while loading the dishwasher I turned around to find her watching the milk pour out of a sippy cup onto the floor. While cleaning that up she crawled into, that's right, into the dishwasher. After a brief calm I ran upstairs to do my hair and that's when I heard a crash followed by the sound of little feet running up the stairs accompanied by my daughter yelling "Broken glass! Broken glass!"

At this point I realized My emotions had completely skipped over frustration and moved directly into humor. Apparently at that point laughing was my only defense. Alivia had climbed onto the computer desk and knocked down and shattered a picture frame of our family photo (probably because she wasn't in it and she was trying to send me a message). Nap time has never been so welcome.

So it was after that crazy start and battling a tired, cranky 3 year old with growing pains all afternoon that I got Heather's email and was quickly reminded that I wouldn't have it any other way. Besides, it's days like today that are the best to read about later on, and I've missed writing about too many days like today. So I'm back, and I'm here to write whether I have something entertaining to say or not. Oh, and if you are curious about Heather, check back later, because the next time that I find that I'm too tired to write, I'll be posting her story on here for you all to read. That probably means I'll post it tomorrow :). Just kidding.

Day: Who Knows

Hey, remember me? I'm that lady that use to write on here a lot. Where did I go? I don't know, but it was a far a way busy town where everyone is always running a hundred miles an hour and often forget the purpose of life.

So, I've fallen so far behind that my goal of writing once a day is long gone. Oh well. There will come a time in my life  when I am not so busy that I can actually write every single day, but that is just not a possibility in my life right now. I'll give a brief recap on why I'm so crazy busy and that will have to do. I'll also write a couple funny things that have been going on and quickly, briefly catch myself up here. Then I promise I'll be better, but I can also promise I won't write every day.
What's Keeping Me Crazy:

1. I'm training for the Epic Relay
2. I'm doing my darnedest to potty train my 2 year old
3. I'm working from home writing SEO articles (and that's the big one)
4. I have a 6 month old baby (the other big one)
5. I'm babysitting 2 kids for the summer, no, wait, 3
6. It's summer.

So in between all these happenings I am also doing churchy things, feeding my family, planning meals, couponing, doing yard work, folding laundry, cleaning toilets, and desperately, desperately trying to find five minutes for myself, but I honestly (and I really am not just saying this) can't remember the last time that happened, hence my not writing on here, I simply have not had 5 minutes to do it. These are some crazy times right now, but we'll get through them and be better people on the other side.

Now, on to the latest happenings around here.

1. We bought ourselves a minivan!
2. We've started over potty training about 100 times
3. Alivia now says "mama"! (First word, first said Thursday July 14, 2011)
4. Lucy has been taking swimming lessons
5. Alivia started sleeping through the night
6. Alivia stopped sleeping through the night
7. Alivia now eats her weight in baby food every day.
8. Jack has turned into a little demon child, hoping this phase passes quickly.

I'm sure there is much much more that I am forgetting, and many more things that I am blocking from my memory intentionally.  Now for the longer more detailed version of the brief summaries listed above:

1. We bought a minivan! So, about 5 weeks I found the PERFECT minivan through out local Honda dealership, and it was an awesome price. I was a silver 2005 Honda Odyssey that seated 8. I was totally pumped about it. It had 90,000 miles on it, but it's a Honda so it still had a lot left to give. I was so excited about it but we couldn't get into the dealership until Saturday because of Shawn's work. So, on Saturday morning we called in to make sure they still had it there while we were driving home from Denver. It was still there. So I took Lucy to swimming lessons and then came home and cleaned out our CRV until it glistened. Then we headed over to the dealership. I saw this van parked right out front and I knew it had sold. It sold about an hour before we got there. I was devastated. A week later I paid our CRV payment and then checked the dealerships website. They had just put up a new listing for a 2004 Honda Odyssey with only 70,000 miles on it that cost $3000 less than the other one, and it included a DVD player! Down side, it only seated 7. At this point it didn't matter. We rushed over to the dealership that night, looked at it, and then we were back there the next morning to buy it. Now our monthly car payment is lower than what it was with the CRV! The day we bought it was crazy because I had a hair appointment that I scheduled a month ago right in the middle of things, Lucy had swimming lessons on the other side of town, and Shawn had Youth Conference he had to get to, but somehow we pulled it off, and we LOVE our new van.
2. Potty training Jack, I really just don't even want to talk about it, it's just terrible.
3. Alivia said her first word! And it's "mama"! She doesn't just say mamamamamama either. In fact, she only says it when she wants something, or when she feels like I'm neglecting her, she calls for me. It's so cute. She scrunches up here little face and squints her little eyes and says "mama!" She actually pulls a lot of funny faces lately. There is the closed mouth, gums together cheeks puffed out look, her cabbage patch doll look, so stinking cute. Her eye brows up look, and then scrunched up squealing "I have something to say" look. She says mama. I love it. It melts me. I've earned it.
4. Lucy's swimming lessons. So, I signed Lucy up for some swimming lessons at the pool in our neighborhood. Problem was I didn't want to pay $80 for one child for swimming lessons, especially since I used to teach them, it frustrates me to pay anything at all. So, I signed her up for the Saturday only lessons. There were only four of them so they were half price (still a total rip off). So she went and they basically just played in the water with her. It was frustrating for me because I knew she was ready to learn more than how to play motor boat. Anyway those lessons simply accomplished a little bit of water awareness and taught Lucy how fun it is to play in the pool, something she didn't need me to pay $40 for her to learn. Then Shawn found a groupon deal for $25 swimming lessons for two weeks. Now that's more like it. So we signed her up, I drove her across town for two weeks, with 5 kids each trip (babysitting Haylee and Caleb), and now she is a swimming junkie. Well, sort of, but at least she knows the basics which is what I expected her to be able to learn at the first lessons. Jack has his turn coming up in December sometime.
5. Alivia decided that she was good and ready to start sleeping through the night. She's been doing this for basically 3 weeks. It's the solid foods that are the secret here. The only problem with her sleeping through the night is that she feels like 5:30 is an appropriate time to say good morning to the world and wakes up her brother and sister in the process. Has anyone ever noticed that I'm not a morning person? Because I'm pretty sure my kids and my husband are noticing.
6. Alivia decided she's done with the whole sleeping through the night thing too. After about 2 weeks of sleeping through the night, Shawn and I went to the 7th Harry Potter movie and left the kids with a sitter. I told the sitter that Alivia (who I'd already put to bed) would sleep the entire time, and I think she did, she just woke up right away when I got home. Then she spent the next 4 nights wake up to make sure I was still there. But for the past two nights she has reverted back to her old habit of sleeping through the night until 5:30. I don't know which I prefer, either way I'm totally sleep deprived.
7. Alivia LOVES baby food. She pounds the rice cereal, the oatmeal cereal, any kind of vegetables, fruits, and her personal favorite is the new fancy stuff I've been buying her, things like granola blends and meals in a bottle. Basically, I have yet to see her refuse anything! I'm loving this! It's making me feel much better about leaving her tomorrow to go run for 2 days. I know she for sure won't starve even through the one thing she refuses to take is a bottle. Little stinker.
8. Jack has been giving us a run for our money. He use to be my sweet little boy that melted my heart no matter what he did. Honestly, he could do no wrong. Now, I have NO IDEA where my sweet little boy went. Today Jack throws the biggest tantrums known to man, he is deliberately defiant in a way that I never knew was possible, and he is constantly dreaming up new ways to make my day even worse. A couple of days ago he had 6 accidents on my floors, 6! So it's back to the pull ups. He scatters board game pieces around the entire house, gets into my bag of sugar (the bag is a thing of the past, it's now in a good Jack proof (hopefully) container), smears my walls with mud, wipes his face on his chair, some how pees around his pull up at night (not entirely his fault, but still), throws rocks into the street, hits the car with baseball bats, sticks his arm up tail pipes, spits (oh how I hate that one), hits small unsuspecting children (boils my blood), kicks his nursery teacher (right in front of me, so I kicked him back), and at the end of a long hard day of a combination of all these things, he throws a brand new roll of toilet paper into the bath tub. Who knew something so little could be the straw that breaks the camels back? Oh my sweet little Jack, where ever you are, will you please, please come back to me? I don't like this little demon that is taking your place.

If you have made it this far you are a trooper. I needed to write these things down for my own good. There are so many nights when I lay down and think to myself, "Someday I'll look back and actually miss these days, or so I've been told." And as terrible as some days are, I know I'll want to look back when I wonder how I ever got threw them. That, and my kids do some funny things everyday and if I write more I'll remember more.

One last thing, I have to write about my day yesterday because it was a doosey. We woke up and came downstairs only to be reminded that neither Shawn nor I did the dishes last night. My kitchen was in shambles! My love seat had a mountain of laundry on it that I could not get to because I was SWAMPED with work, my desk resembled New Orleans post Katrina, and I don't even want to document what the kids bathroom looked like. As I walked down the stairs I could feel my stress level and blood pressure rising. Shawn must have had the same feeling because he knew I was so busy with work that day. I was on the verge of tears. I HATE when my house is out of control which is funny because it is more often than it's not these days.

Anyway, I had a noon deadline for 5 articles to write, Jack was being TERRIBLE, and Alivia was being high maintenance. I knew right then there was no way I was going to be able to meet my dead line. Shawn did what he could to help and got a load of dishes in the dishwasher. Too bad we had about 3 loads accumulated. Seriously, I've been SO SO busy this week with work. Anyway, I did my best, missed my deadline, and my house still looks terrible. That said, once I did get my articles in (3 hours late), I implemented my friend Haley's filing system, so now my desk looks AMAZING! That's probably why I'm sitting here typing. My desk is so clean and organized that it's become my own personal stress free zone. LOVE IT. So now I need to stop typing and start cleaning. It will feel good. But I wanted to take a minute to just write, because it needed to be done.