Day 95: A Reminder

Since Alivia was born I've kind of felt a little like I'm in survival mode. I have so many days that I have to take one minute, one melt down at a time. It's hard when ever I leave the house to not covet the days before I had kids, or the days when Shawn was working at home. Life was so much easier back then. It's unbelievably hard to load 3 kids in and out of the car (especially battling our seat belt situation with Lucy) any time I have to leave the house. It's getting easier, but I know it's still hard because whenever I pull into the garage and park the car, I just sit there for a minute to get up the courage to unload. So I have to be honest, I do ask myself from time to time why we didn't wait a few years to have kids. I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, but they are a lot of hard work, and financially I know we've done it the hard way.

Well today when I checked my email I had an HRBB email that informed me of the Mack family in Utah. Honestly, probably the most heartbreaking story I've ever heard. Wendy Mack was the mother of 3 ages 6, 4, and 2. She was 34 weeks pregnant with their 4th when she suddenly passed away. He husband Denny posted a detailed story of the events of the day that she passed on the family blog. I took the time this morning to read it entirely and as a result I spent the remainder of my day breaking down in sobbing tears. Poor Jack could not figure out what my problem was, I'm not a cryer. I just am so heartbroken for this family.

Their story hits close to home as they have a 4 year old daughter, 2 year old son, and the baby Wendy was about to deliver was a baby girl they named Maylee. When Wendy was passing they did an emergency c-section to save the baby, but by the time they were able to deliver her she had been deprived of oxygen for 45 minutes. She only lived a day. Such a terrible tragedy.

After reading this story about this family that I don't even personally know, I found myself trying to understand it all. Why would God ever take a young mother from her family? Wendy sounds like she was the most loving mother God every created. I just don't understand why this would ever have to happen. But then I thought about it a little more. After reading this story, I spent my entire day holding my kids closer, hugging them more, kissing them more, telling them how much I love them. Wendy's story helped me remember why I didn't wait to have kids. Her story makes every minute, every melt down, every puddle of puke or pee on the floor completely worth it. Wendy reminds me how blessed I am to be a mom, even if loading and unloading the car is the worst part of my day. Wendy taught this to me and hundreds of other mothers through her death, but also through her life as her life is the legacy that taught us so much. And their precious baby Maylee? What was her purpose, why should she have to die too? Well, Wendy loved her children so much that it would have been more than she could bare to be separated from all her children, so Maylee was her tender mercy, her baby that she get's to have with her on the other side while she waits for the glorious day of their reunion.

I hope I never need another reminder. I hope I can treasure my kids without needing to be reminded how blessed I am to have them. I love them so much. Today I was reminded just how much, and not only through Wendy's story. We had to take Lucy to a dress rehearsal tonight, and I got her there and then sat down to watch. Jack decided he wanted to run up and down the isle, and I was fine with that because Alivia was ready to eat. So I sat and nursed her, and when I finished, Jack was gone. I couldn't find him anywhere. After looking for a good 5 minutes worry started to set in. After 10 minutes I was saying a silent prayer over and over again. We were in a really scary part of town and I was praying my little boy hadn't got out of the building some how.

Shawn showed up about 10 minutes after Jack disappeared and stared searching the halls with me. I thought Jack must have gotten out of the auditorium and gotten lost in this extremely confusing building. I was listening for terrified screams, but I wasn't hearing anything. We had several mom's from our old ward helping us look, and finally my old visiting teaching companion came running up to me to tell me they found him. He'd never left the auditorium, but it was so dark and there were so many rows of seats that I could not see him even though I checked a hundred times. I picked that little boy up and held him so close and told him I was so scared I'd lost him. He was so sweet and kissed me in his little kissing pattern. I love that boy. On a happier note, this same trip to the high school was Jack's first trip away from home in underwear and we were 100% successful, no accidents. I'm one happy mom.

So, if you want to read Wendy's story on your own, be ready with a big old box of tissues and read it at night because it will mess you up all day if you try to read it in the morning. But you can read it by clicking here. It's just a good reminder. Now I'm going to go cuddle with my husband until I fall asleep because I'm so lucky to have him and my kids in my life, and I hope I never forget that for even a second.