Day 42: Girl Scout Cookies and the Music of My Heart

On Saturday I went to Safeway. It happened to be the last day of the last weekend that the Girl Scouts were out in full force selling their cookies. They shamelessly pulled out all the stops. As I walked out of the store, the sweet little girl in the wheel chair pulled me in. I bought two boxes. I'd love to see their sales stats for that weekend in comparison with the other weekends when they had the completely healthy and slightly annoying girls out there.

Moving on... today was one heck of a day. I did some shopping in the morning, and didn't get home until just after 1. I fed the kids lunch and all that jazz. My day was very busy, but fairly calm, up until 4:00. 4:00, oh how I hate you. At 4:00 I decided to hurry and get a load of laundry in while all the kids were happy. As I loaded the basket, Alivia started crying. I ran down stairs to put the laundry in my machine and left Alivia laying on the floor crying. As I was leaving the laundry room heading for Alivia, I got a whiff Jack. Man, that boy STINKS when he stinks. So, I had to change him before I could save little Alivia's life.

Upon taking off Jack's diaper, and doing all I could to remain conscious, I discovered that his feces were an unusual texture. No, he hadn't been sitting in this stuff long (trust me, the smell made that option obsolete), but this stuff was IMPOSSIBLE to wipe off, it was like trying to get sand off of you when you are still wet at the beach. Six wipes later, and not at all cleaner (keep in mind Alivia is SCREAMING this entire time) I finally faced the fact that this was going to require a shower. So, I stripped the little boy down to his socks, and we headed into the bathroom.

At this point Alivia is hysterical, and I'm getting pretty stressed out, baby screaming does that to me you see. As I'm fiddling with the shower curtains and the water temperature, Lucy asks me if she can pick Alivia up. I love that little girl, she always knows just what to do and when to do it, and she is so obedient, follows all the rules, and always asks first. I was so relieved to hear her asking if she could help out with Alivia, so I said "Yes please!" Then I put Jack into the shower and started spraying off the appropriate areas. That is when I heard a thud. I was bent over the side of the tub spraying Jack off, so I looked in between my legs where I could see Lucy picking Alivia up off the floor. That is when Alivia reached a level of crying I have never heard and never knew was possible.

When Lucy picked up Alivia, she was sitting on the floor in the hall. She followed all the rules and just sat there carefully. She didn't move, but she was trying to hold Alivia over her shoulder, that is where we went wrong. As I was spraying Jack off, Alivia did the old arch the back maneuver and threw herself right out of Lucy's arms. I did not see this happen, but I heard about it. Luckily for me, I kept my cool. I handed Jack the shower head and let him finish cleaning himself off. Then I went and picked up Alivia and calmly asked Lucy what happened. Lucy told me, and she didn't get in trouble because she was just doing her best to help and she did nothing wrong. It helped that I knew that Lucy was just sitting on the floor so Alivia fell all of 10 inches. I took Alivia into my room and closed the door and started nursing her to try to calm her down. She was hyperventilating for a good 15 minutes.

I felt so terrible. I looked at the clock at this point and it was only 4:15. All that happened in 15 minutes. I tried to think of something that I did wrong to make such a mess is such a short amount of time, but I couldn't think of anything I would have done differently. I guess I shouldn't have let Lucy hold Alivia, but there have been so many times she has saved me in moments like these, that I still probably would have. For the first time since Alivia was born I had a feeling that I was in way over my head. I totally felt like I literally didn't have enough hands to juggle everything I have to do in a day. I felt like such a terrible mom. Then Jack started calling for me because the water was getting cold, so I had to jump right back in it and get him out.

Through all of this, and the hours that followed, I had a few songs running through my head. I think each song would be appropriate background music in the movie of my life for their corresponding times. From 4:00 to 4:15, my theme song was:

The words that were really hitting home during this time were the chorus and the forth verse:

[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't no other
Who can comfort me
Why won't you answer me?
Your silence is slowly killing me
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
I'm gonna get you back
Gonna get you back

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah
Why do you do what you do to me yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah

On a much brighter note, I do have another song that helps me snap out of my downer moments. I sing it to myself several times a day, and I pretend that Shawn is singing this to me. See in my mind, he's much more romantic than in real life, which really is a good thing for him, he doesn't even have to try.

I do have to give Shawn credit, he was just singing this song in the kitchen, and I'll assume it was directed to me, even if he was singing it because I was singing it and got it stuck in his head. While the whole song is my self imposed mini therapy session (especially since Shawn is singing it in my mind), I especially focus on the following two lines. 

Cause girl you're amazing

Just the way you are

And that, in combination with a full sleeve of Girl Scout cookies is how I made it through the 4:00 hour at my house today. Now I will be singing to myself for the remainder of the night, just as soon as I get the kiddos in bed, where they are safe from each other and the world.